JAPANESQUE

I find that, for some matters closest to my heart, i cant share with some of my friends, or in fact, any of them in close proximity coz of sensitivity issues.

i know if i called, some of them would listen but for some things at least, it would have been best if i could talk to someone closer and who's also in the game. but i find that i can't.

the next best option is the boyfriend rite?
but well. i think he also has his own worries to deal with. too preoccupied with that to really engage in my problems.

budden again. who in the world engages in other ppl's problems anymore? i mean, do i do that alll the time? i honestly, sincerely do at times. but can't say im the best at it or perfect or wadever. but i do try. i'd say i used to do that more often last time, that is, be so preoccupied with a fren's problems, feeling exactly wad she's feeling, worrying with her, about her. sounds pretty gay to me now, probably coz i dun do that a lot now and well, that's coz we're all grown up (freakking 22!) and we've all have so many things going on for us now that we become encased in our own little bubble, doing and thinking all in terms of self.

that's not too bad a thing really, coz that's how we learn to be independent and stronger. the only setback's for at times of emotional weakness, when we hope for someone to be there.

but the best balance, i feel, is when we can realise that hey, our little bubble world is transparent and and well, still permeable to the world outside. that there are still pple ard you. pple you shld maintain frenships with, not disregard with snide remarks or remain judgemental about because, HEY remember, the bubble is still permeable. unless you're absolutely sure you can survive all your life in there with all that you alrdy have, note the pple ard you. you never noe when u might need them for a favour or even support. that's not being hypocritical. its maturity and sensibility. a sign that you have realised that the world does not revolve around yourself.

and wad the heck was that all about??

well, lets just say that i am just coming to realise these bubbles things ard pple. and perhaps, the harsh reality of it, that we're too old to penetrate new worlds, new bubbles. yet, new bubbles just keep forming and reinforcing themselves on the pple ard you. yet, i have an ideological fantasy of pple being aware of these self-centred bubbles and creating less animosity and hurt ard them inspite of that these are the pple the real world deals with.

well, maybe then, THIS is wad MY own little bubble of vision is. where everybody is sensitive to others and are aware of putting their own feelings above others and seek to correct them. yet is it really universal truth that we have to live in a world full of self-centred bubbles that i now see? i hope not.

tho reality seems to advise otherwise.